Last night sucked.
You know when you shouldn’t do something, but you want to, but you also don’t? That’s where I’m at.
i know I shouldn’t do it. It isn’t healthy for me. Like at all. It honestly makes me feel worse than not doing it, but it’s my only way to hold onto you. I feel like if I stop you’ll go away forever. You don’t really want to hangout with me so its my only way to keep you in my life.
If it’s not me, it’s someone else. That’s my biggest fear.
Ive never been good enough, and you’ve never needed me like I need you. This was the only way you ever needed me.
You say we can stop whenever. You always have said that. I appreciate it. But I know if we do you’ll forget about me.
I like you so much. I always have. It sucks that you won’t ever feel the same about me again.
I keep hoping that you’ll date others and realize I’m the one for you after all, but you and I both know that isn’t plausible.
I’m sorry I’m easily upset. I’m sorry I can act crazy. It’s just hard when I care about you and need you in my life so much. and I feel like you’re slipping away every second.
The tighter I hold on, the faster you slip through my clenched fists.
Being with you like this hurts. It’s killing my self esteem. I keep getting false hope that we could be together again one day. Or that we could even be close again.
The false hope hurts the worst.
So yes, we can stop. And yes, we should stop. But no, I don’t want to. Not for the reasons you don’t.
Not because it feels great or I need it.
But because it’s the only part of you I have left.
Once it’s gone, you’ll be gone, too.