I miss him. And him. I miss them both. I shouldn’t. I should only miss one, but I feel bad about the other. He only tried to love me. He loved me too much. It destroyed us. He got crazy. He hurt me. I hurt him.
I want to regress. I want to go back sometimes, but I cant. I never can. I wasn’t happy. He doesn’t know it, but he wasn’t happy either.
One day he’ll find someone better for him, and he’ll love her with all of his heart. It won’t be me. I don’t want it to be me.
Maybe he was supposed to be the one? But how could the one treat me and my friends so bad? He wouldn’t. Right? …right?
He wouldn’t. I need to STOP regressing. I need to be strong. I need to not go back. I want to be friends. I can’t be. He is not good for me, and I’m not good for him. We’re better apart. I’m better to be around better people who make me better.
I hate that I care so much sometimes. I really wish I could be heartless. But wearing my heart on my sleeve is how I’ve always been, and I can lie about my feelings all I want but the truth is I will always care too much. I’ll always want to give until I have nothing left. I will always give a million chances because I believe people mean well and have good intentions. It’s who I am.
I need to learn to give myself some value, though. I’m working on it. I know I can’t be his friend. Not now. Probably not ever.