This last year has been tough for me. I haven’t been the person that I’ve wanted to be, and I’m not proud of myself. I’ve hurt the people I’m closest to. I’ve kept people around that use me, and I’ve let myself throw all of my morals out the window.
I’ve recently hit rock bottom.
I took a day to feel bad for myself. Just to sulk and act like nothing was my fault (even though I know it’s all my fault). And now I’m done feeling bad. I’m going to be better. I mean there’s no where to go but up right?
Ive learned a few lessons that are going to help me be a better person.
1) tell the truth! Telling one lie lead me to telling another and another and it spiraled so far that I didn’t know how to even start to tell the truth. I won’t let it get that far ever again. I’m going to tell the truth no matter how much it hurts me or other people. It has to be a better option than lying and feeling like the worst person ever.
2) choose better friends. I’ve always had kind of low self esteem. It’s not that people aren’t good enough or there for me. I just don’t think a lot of myself. I’ve always had a best friend that gets a lot of attention and she kind of tears me down. She isn’t there for me a lot and I think over the years that tore my self esteem apart. This lack of self esteem has made me look to a lot of people to give me reassurance which has made it hard for me to get rid of people who treat me bad or are bad for me if they play on my emotions. I get scared to not have a huge support system. But those people aren’t real. They only convince you to do things you wouldn’t have done. Because I didn’t get rid of the bad people I ended up hurting the few that were really there for me and now I don’t have my real best friend. Like the guy that was there for me and supported me and cared about me. It’s the worst feeling you’ll ever feel. Nora of the story. One or two good friends are better than fake people who make you worse.
If I could go back I’d take back my lies and just tell the truth. I’d pick better people to surround myself with. I’d stick to my morals. I’d be the person I know I am.
But since I can’t, I’ll just work on being the real, better me from now on.